you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
