God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
