The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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