Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize