Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
