Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
