her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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