My Higher Power is John Stamos
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
