his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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