So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
