We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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