So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish my penis had a tongue
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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