whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
