You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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