i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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