i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
