I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
