So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
