Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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