Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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