and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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