ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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