ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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