Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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