So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
