I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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