____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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