God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
