And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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