I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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