my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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