Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
