Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She said her name was "party"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
