youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
