I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
