someone get that fucking seahorse.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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