Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
