return my video game
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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