Whod you bang
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
