"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I lost the right to judge tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
