She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
