Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
