I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
