Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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