Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
