wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
