I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
