i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
farters have to be the big spoon...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
