I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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