3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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