What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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