dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
do nipples grow back?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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