the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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