at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
