At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love accidental penises.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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