he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
