i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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