all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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