if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
