Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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