Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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