he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
