Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
