i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
