My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
