I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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