nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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