I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
