ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
