I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
